Planet of the Afros
by Iba
Summary: All men's souls are immortal, but the souls of the righteous are immortal and divine.


Volkner was exceptionally upset compared to usual. Today Flint punched him in the ass after Volkner asked him if his new pants made his butt looked big. The gym leader has currently locked himself in the top floor of the Sunyshore Tower as his friend stood outside, trying to call him.

"Volkner, man, I didn't mean to," Flint said when Volkner attempted to listen to the words of his lying afro.

"Shut up," he replied with. "You know how sensitive my ass is. I think I need surgery now." He hung up again.

Volkner was being serious about this. In fact, what he was saying wasn't BS. When he was a young lad, he was dropped on his ass down an escalator going up for two hours. Because of this, he had to wear an ass helmet for the next couple of months, and he found himself limping around everywhere. He got better, but he was still sensitive to this very day. He also developed bathmophobia.

Volkner attempted to walk over to the window to flip Flint off until his ass cheeks pulled an earthquake attack. His legs buckled from the jolt of pain, and he fell backwards onto bunch of buttons. From the outside, Flint got knocked backwards himself when flames bursted from the bottom of the tower. He watched in terror when the rocket lifted off from the ground. He quickly dialed Volkner's number, but Volkner didn't answer. He couldn't answer, and Flint couldn't do anything but watch as the rocket slithered into space.

Volkner would have turned this rocket tower around since he has done it before, but his ass was so powerfully in pain that he could barely move. He was also still too upset to face Flint. He was floating around in the Sunyshore Tower, and he felt as cold as his sad and tainted soul. He had his oxygen tank with him, though, as he grabbed his cell phone when it rang again. The cell phone still worked because Volkner made him and Flint super amazing cell phones with matching ringtones, which were George Michael's "Careless Whisper."

"Volkner! Are you crazy?" Flint shouted.

"This is all your fault!" Volkner barked back. "If you didn't punch me in the ass, none of this would have happened!"

Flint paused before going, "… Volkner?"

"What?"

"Whatcha dooooiiin, Volkner?" Flint gaily asked as he entered a bar.

"I'm floating, buttmunch," Volkner responded as he floated.

"Does the cold of deep space make your nipples go pointy, Volkner?"

"What?" He looked down.

"Do you use your pointy nipples as telescopic antennae to transmit data back to earth?"

"Oh my god, shut up." Volkner hung up again.

Ten minutes later, Volkner was so bored he wished he could drink some booze. Knowing that that was impossible, he started pondering on drinking his own piss until something attacked the tower. He looked out the window and nearly did piss himself when he saw a Deoxys. He quickly dialed up Flint and demanded him to come save him.

"WHAT?" Flint sputtered at this turn of events. "WE'RE TAKING THAT MOTHERFUCKER DOWN, SON!" He called out his Rapidash, and his chest puffed out into giant, manly bosoms. Flint hopped onto his loyal steed and smacked its ass. It bounced into the sky and through space. When they found the Deoxys molesting the tower, Flint ordered his Rapidash to attack. An array of light emerged from the horn on its head, which combined with Flint's glowing afro as they let out a beam of light at the Deoxys. It exploded into a screaming rainbow.

And with that, Flint landed on top of the tower and told Volkner to stop being a pussy and land the goddamn tower or else he'll punch his motherfuckin ass again.

"But… but I can't do it, Flint," Volkner muttered. "I just cannot do it."

"YES, YOU CAN!" Flint shouted. That was a bad idea because he was quickly losing oxygen. His bosoms were getting inflated as his nipples made the squealing sounds of a dying Chimchar. "Do it… for me, bro. Do it for Princess Poopy…

"Volkner…

"I'm dying.

"I'm dying, Squirtle." Flint wheezed out his final breaths before saying, "Bro… I'm… sorry… I... fisted you."

Volkner watched as the Rapidash had no choice but to take its trainer down back to earth. He was touched. In fact, he felt something burning within him. It was courage; courage given to him by his best friend's words and bosoms.

Volkner decided to grab life by the balls as he steered the giant phallic object with all his might back to Sunyshore. His buttbuddy needed him. Flint may have punched his sensitive anus, but it was a fist filled with love.

He landed the tower on Earth at last. He went down the elevator and out the door to find Flint lying on a bench with his Rapidash keeping him company. Volkner stumbled towards him. He, too, was in pain.

Flint opened his eyes and saw Volkner.

"ヾ(❀◕ω◕)ﾉ ﾟ･❀✿＊**:･ﾟ✧," he went.

Volkner ヾ(❀◕ω◕)ﾉ ﾟ･❀✿＊**:･ﾟ✧'d right back at Flint. Volkner wasn't wearing pants. Flint liked it when he wasn't wearing pants. Yes, even more than when he was wearing pants. In fact, Flint liked it when he wasn't wearing pants ten times more than when he was.


End file.
